Why do we feel hurt by Love?Is Love the source of our pain?
OR --
Are our past experiences the real bully?
All our lives we've heard the phrase, "Love hurts..." And all of our lives we have believed it. While it may feel like Love is the bully, that kind of thinking denies that God is Love, and that is in conflict with scripture. (1 John 4:1-21)
Please read all of the above-referenced scripture before proceeding.
John is specific: When we choose to believe that Jesus, the Christ, is all he claimed to be; when we choose to live in Love, forsaking everything; Love chooses to live in us. Yet all our lives we've accumulated our fair share of negative experiences that have helped to form our perspectives, our opinions, and our tolerance thresholds. All our lives we have allowed those illusions to blind us to how we come to believe what we come to believe. So instead of taking responsibility for our choices, then and now, all of our lives we have chosen to blame God for our circumstances.
That is a further denial of the truth of scripture.
Please read Galations 6:7-10, Job 4:17, and Psalm 36:5-9.
If we choose to believe we are loved by God, we lose the option of blaming him when we have a bad experience in love. That's a good thing. We are now in the ideal position to let Love off the hook and learn from the experience. God allows us to taste hurt to be sure. The truth is, however, he doesn't desire for us to swallow it.
Learning from heartache (it might be something worse than a breakup) gives us eyes to see others the way God sees them. We are then able to understand that we live in a hurting world. Those of us who call ourselves Christian have been provided the perfect template for avoiding further pain through the simple act of forgiveness, and we are expected to emulate it.
It is also not an option.
When we forgive, we deny darkness the opportunity to deceive us into thinking we've been wronged. Thus we avoid unnecessary pain. When we accomplish this, we see the perceived offense by another, not as hurting us, but as a cry for help.
Love cannot hurt us, and God is not against us.
Love is not designed to participate in pain except to serve as the cure. God would never allow himself to be called Love if there existed the remote possibility that He/It/Love could actually do anything to hurt us. However, he does understand that we blame him.
And to be sure, we do hurt. We hurt for various reasons, and pain in many forms and fashions is sometimes aimed at us by others. And even though we do sometimes hurt, remember this truth:
Love does NOT hurt :)
Beloved, we all want to be loved. It is only natural. So if you ever find yourself at the end of a relationship (or mean people are forcing themselves into your world), don't let Love go just because another person let you go, or another crashed into you. Instead, allow the God of Love to enfold you in his authentic embrace. Then (and this is the hard part) -- extend as best you can the same Love towards that person. Try it. Love works.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . . and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. -- Paul
LUVWRX (believe it)
Wonderful post on the nature of love, but I must say there was one thing that I see as being an incorrect perception, and that is that "past experiences are the real bully". I no longer believe it's past experiences that pain us, but rather it's the mindset that we're holding in this very moment, about the past.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jarett.
ReplyDeleteI should consider rewording that question. I agree with you on your point, and attempt to convey that here -- "Yet all our lives we've accumulated our fair share of negative experiences that have helped to form our perspectives, our opinions, and our tolerance thresholds. All our lives we have allowed those illusions to blind us to how we come to believe what we come to believe."
It is undeed our holding on to these ideas about love that serves as the catalyst for tumbling backwards towards the past, instead of being present.
Nice to see you again :-)
Hi Jeff,
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog for about a month or so know and I've found it to be very enlightening. You've touched my spirit, my mind and my heart. If the past blogs have touched my heart, this one grabbed it squeezed until it opened something within me. The whole thing was like a wake up call, one that I have been desperately needing to hear for a long time. One line spoke so much to me that I'm going to post it somewhere I can look at it frequently: "If we choose to believe we are loved by God, we lose the option of blaming him when we have a bad experience in love." And another one right behind it from the same paragraph: "God allows us to taste hurt to be sure. The truth is, however, he doesn't desire for us to swallow it."
It is such a shame the way people act in the world toward one another, and how we let others influence us; I am extremely guilty of that. Unfortunately, most people I know don't agree with the way I think and are happier to point their fingers and gossip. I should speak up, but I don't; I'm not much of one to rock the boat, and that silence hurts people. When I say it's a shame the way people act toward one another, again I am guilty. I'm not proud of it nor do I defend it; I painfully admit it. I have hurt people-- including you-- in the past and because of fear of "rocking the boat" or upsetting people, I have to write this anonymously. I'm sorry, but please know that your thoughts, your insights, your writings are very helpful and inspirational. Hopefully the Lord will allow a time for us to talk face to face in Love because you sure have Love within you. I am your brother who loves you and asks forgiveness for the way this is written, but I can't be totally silent anymore. I must let you know that you are reaching people. Again, I close with another quote: "Learning from heartache (it might be something worse than a breakup) gives us eyes to see others the way God sees them."
In Peace and Love
I guess being open about who you are is of less importance to me than why you don't just call me and talk to me. 334.300.2277
ReplyDeleteNo pressure though :-)