Sometimes on our journey, we pause. We take a moment and we look out to see what we can see. Well, I couldn't see anything. All I had were questions: Where am I? Where am I going? What do I want? Is this all there is? What do I want to do? Where do I want to be? What have I been doing? It seemed to come down to one question in the end. And that question is eternal and universal: Who am I?
When I reflect on those days, there is the advantage of having already passed through and gotten some answers to some of the questions. But back then, for me, it was the most unsettling time of my life. I can see now where I was naive' or out of step with myself, but when I was in it, there was all of this contradiction, irony, and contrast.
This post stems from my continuing self discovery and the ideas that are birthed in the process of my eternal questioning. I want to talk a little about contrast. When I was young, there was a knob I could turn on my television and the image contrast was adjusted. The same was true for other elements of the picture I was observing. I could darken it or lighten it, just by turning a knob. When color came along, I could play with those settings as well and change the colors if I wasn't pleased with what I saw.
It is all automatic today and that is fine. It is nice that some things are taken care of, and I don't have to fuss over a particular setting. At the same time, there are some things in life that are still manually adjustable. I can control the adjustment of some things, but it would appear that there are a whole host of things over which I have absolutely no control. Contrast is one of the terms I use in dealing with and describing the truth of that fact.
There are times when I am so consumed by my fears and my current crisis that I am frozen. Melancholy rules my mood and influences my thoughts. Then there are those times of absolute clarity. All is well. I am clear minded about my purpose. I am loved. I am loving and I am living the life I love. All my thoughts are positive, and there is passion in every word and deed.
Clearly, we would all prefer the life of clarity and passion. We do know the difference. All of us want to go through life with little or no resistance. We want cooperation from everyone. We want abundance... no lack and no insufficiency. We want happiness and balance.
Enter contrast. I am beginning to think contrast, in and of itself, is just another form of balance. Why is there ever a time when I am seemingly out of sync? Why is it sometimes famine instead of feast? Who decides when it shifts? Why does it happen? Without contrast am I able to really see? If everything is perfect, do I appreciate? Do I grow lazy if no challenge ever presents itself?
Do you think about that?
I am sitting here in front of this screen, pecking slowly away, and I am not completely free or abundant physically - at least not at this precise moment. In fact, I have a stray thought of melancholy lurking here and there. I even found myself frozen once today... but only for a second. And I wasn't driving, thank God.
At the same time -- and this is why I blog -- I have this knowing. This inexplicable certainty that it's all good. I am loved, loving and living the life I've chosen. If something isn't perfect about my present situation, it is ok. I am right where I am. I am right where I am supposed to be. I don't need to "see" the work being done or the stage being set to know that. I just know. You know? I want you to know.
I remind myself that I am the one observing myself and the situations I find myself in. I am free to interpret what I see in any way I choose. In fact, It is this choosing that makes all of it ok. I am the one who makes the choices. There is no one to blame if I don't like what I see.
Here's the deal: As soon as I place myself in the place of contentment, I have saved myself from myself. No more thoughts of despair because I can't control or predict an outcome. And I don't have to give up on my dreams while I am being content. I never set aside my goals. I never quit dreaming. I just accept what I have now. It is ok, right now. I have found that the sooner I allow what is happening to happen; as soon as I give up trying to control what is happening; and as soon as I give myself a break from trying to predict the outcome of what is happening, the sooner I allow myself to see that right now is really good.
Joseph Campbell said it better than anyone when he said, "Follow your bliss." Don't forget that the abundant life is a promise, not a pipe dream. Seek, find, ask, believe, receive, knock. And if need be, knock some more. Doors are opening all around us. Doors leading to the life of our dreams. This is a truly blissful life if I choose it. I can choose to see a myriad of reasons to be hopeful, to be happy. I can choose right now to be ok with myself, my situation, and my dreams for the future. I choose. I choose to see what I choose to see and I like what I see.